So, despite eating 1100 calories a day, running at least an hour 5-days, 3-gym session (weights/elliptical), and daily pilates and yoga- I managed to gain a pound this week. I know, what is a pound? But I got to be seventy to eighty-five pounds too heavy one pound at a time. Additionally, my cult meeting got cancelled as 30% of the group got pregnant and is no longer eligible.
I have to credit the cult with helping me lose 70 pounds- you can read about it (outdated by 25-30 pounds) here. So, I will find a new meeting to go to so I can drop the final fifteen pounds. It may take forever as my body is apparently hanging on to this last chunk of weight. I am the queen of plateaus and have been through this entire process. That said, I don't seem to be particularly troubled by maintaining my weight loss. I think because I have had such a profound lifestyle shift - from nutrition, to stress management to exercise - its all been shaken up. I think, in a way, doing this at the same time we adopted a baby made sense. Literally, everything got shaken up.
Speaking of which, today was my day to run my first ten mile run. However, I ended up taking the Commander to the ER last night and will stay close to home today to minister to her and because I am wiped out. I will get in a mini-run (3-5 miles) and a gym session, but I am too wasted for a real workout. I may end up walking this marathon. However, I do have priorities and an ailing child is not contest when it comes to marathon prep.
I could not believe how insanely fat I looked on the ER video monitors. Once I realized the Commander was going to be OK- that is where my mind went. It ended up that the necrotic bowel syndrome that the advice nurse worried about was actually an acute earache. So I had five hours or so to hang out with screaming child and video cams. Anyway, apparently body dysmorphia travels with me everywhere. Because, I know being a size six is not living large. Nor is being a size eight.
I thought Pasta Queen had an interesting observation about the differences in our experiences. She has been able to embrace and feel being thin and I, clearly, have not. In fact, I believe myself to be rather fat still. I think her idea that perhaps it has to do with how long we have each lived with being obese- may be right on. I have an extra decade and a half of living with the idea of being obese. I think it makes a difference. I also know that I grew up in a pretty perfectionist, all-or-nothing context and have grappled with this extensively as one of my issues. I am pretty certain I am lifting my 'perfectionist' perspective onto my weight and weight loss.
OK, must go face the music. For the first time in a year the cat (ever), Feral Meanie, decided to kill a mouse. I am hiding in the back room with the door locked because he kept coming to show me, so proudly, his not-quite-dead mouse prize. I cannot put of the inevitable - I must go praise his feline prowess and clean up the remains.
ohmagah. you are so cute at all those sizes. that third pic you look tiny and hey! cute sweater!
i'm thinking of joining this cult... but i fear my ability to stay on track. i just ate a huge piece of chicken pot pie which was surely like 4000 calories AND i skipped my exercise this morning like a fool. FUCK. i don't know how you do 1100 a day.
Posted by: minnie | February 01, 2008 at 01:20 PM